Express confidence in the children’s ability to find their own solution. Tell yourself the children are having an important experience in conflict resolution. he parent can help him see his capacity for kindness.” When the child sees himself as a ‘bully’.

he parents can give the siblings a new view of their brother. When other siblings treat him as a ‘bully’. he parent can help him see that he’s capable of being civil. For example, “nstead of the parent treating the child as a ‘bully’.

In order to help kids escape roles, “treatour children, not as they are, but as hope they w become.” This includes refraining from describing your child’s current proclivities (making your statements self-fulfilling prophecies) and actively combating assigned or assumed roles.

ive according to individual needs.” So for goodness sake don’t say, “I love you all the same,” and when you don’t give equally, help the “slighted” kid with “understanding and acceptance of their disappointment.” To be loved uniquely – for one’s own special self – is to be loved as much as we need to be loved.’” As a result, “hildren don’t need to be treated equally.

“Resist the urge to compare.” “Instead.

“ince kids tend to copy their parents’ behavior, maybe the next time angry at someone, should sit down in front of the children and draw or write,” modeling constructive channelling of negative emotion.

, ith wishes (“You wish he’d ask before using your things.”), or with symbolic or creative activity,” because “ot till the bad feelings come out can the good ones come in.”

“Brothers and sisters need to have their feelings about each other acknowledged.Since I wish the authors had presented their wisdom in a straightforward manner, that’s just what I’ll do:

Though I found the book’s central conceit – that it retells the exchanges of one composite parenting workshop – perpetually annoying, the actual advice specific to fostering healthy and happy sibling relationships has proved invaluable in my household. In “Siblings Without Rivalry,” Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish do something they didn’t manage to accomplish in “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk”: they set themselves apart from the rest of the parenting prescription pack.

Siblings without rivalry book